“Bonus Mama” by April Boddie

Bonus Mom: A Mom who didn’t give birth to the children that she is raising. This can be in the form of inheritance, adoption, and as parenting a child of a spouse. Parenting a spouse’s child was my case in October of 2015. Autumn ushered in Chad’s son, CJ, to our family. His mother was called home and her final wishes were to have him be raised by his Dad. God is good because we have an open door policy; it was my heart that up to this point wasn’t open. I had encountered CJ’s mom on many occasions, but just had not allowed love to win nor cover. All the Jesus I knew and I still didn’t tell her anything about him or the truth of the word. As a matter of fact, we never had one conversation. I never asked her one question, and at more times than I would like to admit, I avoided her presence all together. Oh how I wish that I would’ve asked questions. Questions like, “What would you like for me to say to CJ at his graduation?”, “What’s your favorite color?”, “What do you think his first child will be?” At least then CJ and I could’ve remembered his Mom with her favorite colored balloons on her born day. At his first child’s birth I could’ve said, “Your Mom knew it would be a boy, a girl, or even twins!” And, most of all, I could have said something about her on his Happy Day, his graduation day. But guys, I had nothing and for that reason, I cried.

Moving to a new school within itself is tough on a kid already. But moving your junior year after losing your mother even tougher. He went in broken and quiet, but by the end of the year he had tons of friends, including teachers. The grades that dropped were brought back up and maintained. Senior year he went out not only with a bang, but a special shout out from the principal in her address to the class of 2018. We made it to our first of many milestones as a blended family.

Blended Family: A family consisting of a couple and their children from this and all previous relationships. Flat out a hand full, but God has hands big enough to hold it and us all. The process of blending can be your biggest challenge, but also one of your richest blessings. There will be lots of late-night parent strategy meetings, tough conversations between you and your family, and openhearted love. God begged us to see what gradual love and consistent family really was and still is.

And for that reason I smile. Shucks, on good day, I belly laugh.

My prayer is that this gets in the hands of a Bonus Son who is in a new place with new folks and rules. I pray that you will love with an open heart, gradually allowing your new normal to normalize. I also pray that this graces the eyes of a Bonus Mom or Dad with new babies and expectations. I lift up your hearts and rebuke your fears. Love her or his mother or father like your Sister or Brother because he or she is. We are all family. If you know any good news, THE good news, share it. Do not allow fear and pride to cancel this upmost important assignment.

Someone’s life hangs in the balance of your love.

Bonus Mama

As I sit here, there is an unrest & sadness in my spirit
I am unable to keep a dry eye
My heart is happy yet heavy and I know why
All those years ago when I met your Dad
Who knew that things would start and end so bad
We were two lost soul that found each other
She & I we never met one another
Didn’t know in the near future I would be a wife and Bonus Mother
Father I cast my cares to thee,
Jesus Keep Me Covered Completely
I will be held accountable to love bonus brother and sisters
Different Mamas & Different Misters
So I cry
I cry
I think the day his mother went home must have been devastation
Only 3 minutes in, the Principal mentions your name, celebration
Inhaling
I dam breaks!
I cry
For all things I celebrate
How could I not have fed her any Jesus with all that I had on my plate
Her feeling of me should not negate my opportunity
As a Christian it was my responsibility
To turn the other cheek
But instead I gave the hand
And rolled my eyes
That was not God’s plan
I was just as mean, just as petty
And why?
So I cry
She loved her some you!
Cared nothing for me
No excuse still!
Who cares about emotions when there is a destiny to be filled
Humility to rein, pride to be killed
The Lord could’ve developed a friendship instead of a rivalry
Just pure love no kind of hateful artillery
So for she and I, I cry
It could’ve been amended
Conversations could’ve been had where no one was offended
Had only Love been extended
It would’ve made life so much simpler once we blended
So I cry
I think
What she would’ve wanted you to wear?
What would she have to say?
What would she do on this happy day?
She would not have a dry eye
She’d cry
Just then beautiful sun shines out of nowhere
Ripples of heat, love and completion vibrate the atmosphere
It’s then that I know she smiling down somewhere
Only place we can go is up from here
So
I smile
Smile
For him
For her
For me
For my entire blended family
We smile

~ Written by April Boddie ~

April is a Huntsville native, who is a mother of three and mama to many. When she was a little girl she wanted to be a race car driver. Now she races around the Tennessee Valley catering to others needs. The joy of the Lord is her strength, and His grace abounds in her life. April’s hope is in Christ and her heart is to serve and love. On any given day you might find her repotting plants, preparing meals and making old things new. April has a love for words and melodies. An undiscovered comedian, she finds the joy of laughter in the darkest of circumstances. Her favorite quote is “If you don’t like something change it and if you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Dr. Maya Angelou

Tags: April Boddie, Blended Family, Bonus Mama, Love, Share the Gospel, Soul Food