“Daughter” by Morgan Hopper

Testimonies are a funny thing.

I was given the opportunity to share my journey this past week with a group of girls that will always have a huge chunk of my heart.

As we swapped stories, wept and laughed together, I noticed a common theme.

“I use to think I didn’t have a story.”

“I’m still in the middle of my testimony.”

“I’ve never shared my testimony with anyone.”

So, I’ve now shared my testimony ONCE, but everyone knows my words sound better coming from my hands than from my mouth. Let’s get started.

My parents are both amazing people. Amazing, but in different ways. When I was two they decided they could probably do life better without each other and they were right. I have amazing stepparents, 2 stepsisters and 2 stepbrothers that I never would have been blessed with if my parents had stayed together. I consider myself fortunate to be apart of a blended family.

My reaction to my parents divorce was similar to any other only child. I acted out for attention, I longed to find where I could really belong and I learned to guard my heart for all the wrong reasons.

I didn’t want many friends growing up, because friends could leave and hurt you. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings because that meant letting people see the real me and I wasn’t even sure who that was. I hung out with kids way older than me and my behavior was so bad that I won’t even mention give the Devil the satisfaction of mentioning it.

This is not a story of failure or rejection. This is a story of grace and redemption.

Growing up in the Bible Belt means that I have heard every Christ like, inspirational saying that you can think of. If God will bring you to it, God will bring you through it. Have you prayed about it as much as you have talked about it? Walk by faith not by sight. Have faith in God’s timing. If God closes a door, praise Him in the hallway. These are all so encouraging until you find yourself staring at the storm that has become your life.

After I asked God into my heart and was baptized on my ninth birthday I convinved myself that I had done my part. I went through all the motions; I showed up at church and prayed when I felt like it and thought that made me a good Christian. God blessed me over and over again and I continued to take the credit for His work.

You know that friend that only calls on you only when they need something? Everyone has one… You can show them how much you care but they only return calls when they want something. Well, I was that friend. God loved me and took care of me, but I only said my prayers when I needed something from God. The worst part? I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

I spent my high school and college years dating guys that could never love me the way I needed. No matter how wonderful they thought I was or how often they told me they loved me, it was never going to be enough. The hole inside my heart longed for an unearthly need. I went from relationship to relationship, pushing guys away and getting mad when they actually retreated. Each breakup left me feeling like a failure and worried that I would never find a guy that could complete me. Where was my Jerry Maguire??

At the age of 23 I had a wonderful job waiting for me in my hometown when I graduated from college. I moved home the day after graduation. I had a family to help me start my new post-graduate life and a new boyfriend that I was absolutely crazy about. I was checking off all the social norms that every 20-something should do. I had my life all figured out and everything I wanted was in MY control and in MY grasp, just the way I liked it. I was busy being happy; I became so absorbed with my new adult life that my spiritual relationship took a back seat to material and earthly things. The comical thing is, our path doesn’t come with the joy that God’s path does. It should come as no surprise that all of these new, entertaining things in my life slowly started to stretch those big gapping holes in my heart, leaving me more empty than ever.

Fast-forward two years, we’ll get right to the good stuff.

Shortly after my 25th birthday, the longing for love and peace that I knew I wasn’t going to find on Earth could no longer be ignored. God had been knocking at my door and it was time for me to open up my heart to the right man. I reached out, joined a bible study, found myself surrounded with beautiful ladies to answer my questions, pray for me and help me nurture my relationship with God that I had always wanted.

As I begun down God’s path the light that He was shining into my life was so bright that it was blinding. I was praying to thank God for things, instead of just asking for them. I was able to start working on years of anger and resentment that had build up in my heart. I was praying for my fiancé, praying for those that I hadn’t been able to forgive. Talking to God seemed easier and the joy of following God’s path commenced to fill my heart.

Just as my relationship with God started to take off, everything around me seemed to crumble. I became sick and my doctors couldn’t seem to get to the bottom of it. My fiancé and I decided to cancel our wedding after a year of planning. Everything that I had just started to thank God for was slipping away and my newfound harmony was under attack.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

I started to piece back together what was left of my life. Everything I had known for the last 2 years was gone. The only thing I had left was all that I needed, God.

I took a step back to assess my life, my storm, and start praising God. And boy, did that storm decided to rage on. Weeks after my canceled wedding date passed, I had an emergency MRI that revealed some abnormalities at the base of my brain near my pituitary gland that had been making me sick for over a year. When I met with my doctor the following Monday I was told I had a tumor at the base of my brain and although it was most likely benign, I would need to visit a neurosurgeon. After the tears and initial shock of my diagnosis, I was filled joy. Yes, you read that right, joy. I had been praying for answers and not only did I finally get them, I had peace about it. I had been fighting an uphill battle that I didn’t have to fight alone anymore.

Although it seemed that everything had started to go wrong, for the first time in my short life I felt that everything had started falling into place. I never imagined that seeking God would be the perfect preparation for the hardships that were just weeks away, but God knew. During all my craziness I found myself at the end of a LOT of prayers and I will forever be grateful for that.

Days before my appointment with my neurosurgeon my pastor’s wife prayed over me, prayed for my doctors and prayed for peace. Two weeks after I was informed that I had a five-millimeter tumor, I was told that I had been misdiagnosed. Getting goose bumps yet? Just like that I was told that my pituitary gland was merely enlarged and it would need nothing more than some time to heal.

Without God I would have been or would be in a very dark and sinfully pitiful place. God’s light has shown me the silver lining to these last several stormy months, and my thankful heart is what keeps me going through each and every day.

God has primed me for a season of healing. Will I still sin and fall on my face? Sure, that’s a given and it’s part of the journey. I know now that I don’t have to do it alone and I don’t have to be filled with shame when I fail, because God knows I will. God’s salvation is SO real, guys. I may be in a hallway of my life but I am worshipping waiting on my next door to open.

Part of my #MorganMakesaComeback list was to fall in love with myself. After struggling to identify myself through things, people, my career or my accomplishments, I was thrilled to finally realize in the dead of a lonely winner who I am. It also made it extremely easy to fall in love with myself… I am a princess not because I have a prince, but because my father is The King.

Morgan is a Huntsville native who loves Jesus, rescue dogs and anything literary. She enjoys sharing about her walk with God and speaking life to everyone she meets. Morgan works for Fleet Feet Huntsville as a marketing director, which blends her adoration of running with her passion for helping others.

Tags: God In Our City, Huntsville, Morgan Hopper, Our City On A Hill, testimony