“Don’t Stop Now” by Rica McRoy

It felt like I was four years old again.

It was just before dawn, late in the fall of 2013 and I was sitting at our kitchen counter. I have spent countless mornings in that one spot, perched on a barstool, clutching a hot cup of coffee, while watching the sunrise through our picture window.  There is something about witnessing the light of a new day, piercing through the darkness of yesterday, that awakens something hopeful in the soul. My kitchen counter has become a modern version of Moses’ tent of meeting. It’s a place where I meet with the God of the universe face to face, like a friend. Jesus makes that impossible scenario possible and the wonder of it all never ceases to take my breath away. Anyway, back to the kitchen and that counter. It’s an ordinary space composed of ordinary things.  Stainless steel, foam wrapped in cotton, granite, wood and glass are transformed into a tabernacle by the reality of a relationship with my heavenly Father. Although it is true that our very hearts are a tent of meeting, I am hopeful that you have a special place to meet with God.

On that cold November morning, I was sitting and savoring time with my Father, when uninvited, my cell phone released a faint ding that was alerting me to a “notification”. The first alert was followed by another, and before I knew it, I felt assaulted by a relentless barrage of “dings” like rain drops pelting a tin roof. Annoyed at the intrusion, I got up to mute my phone but was overcome by a wave of curiosity. What were all these notifications about? I just had to know.

It turns out that a family friend in India, who had once lived in America, had posted several pictures from my childhood and tagged me in them. I opened the link to the first picture and was delighted to be transported to our first home that was within faculty housing of Miles College. My mom looked so young and captivatingly beautiful. My father was clearly in step with current fashion trends evidenced by his wide collar, thick sideburns and plaid pants. I was grinning and sitting on his lap, wrapped inside his embrace. That picture made me feel safe.

I moved through to the next image and the next, experiencing a transformation as foggy childhood memories became crystal clear. I innocently opened the next picture and instantly everything changed. It felt like I was four years old again. The ground underneath me gave way and the room started spinning. My heart was on the verge of exploding out of my chest and I broke out in a cold sweat. I was instantly overcome with fear and anxiety. I could no longer think clearly and could barely breath. The hope of the recent sunrise seemed like a cruel dream. Darkness had descended again. I was looking at him. I had wondered if I would recognize him, but now I knew I could never forget his face. My molester was standing behind me as I was sitting on a tricycle. In the photograph, my hair was in pigtails and my head was turned to the right as if I was straining to see someone. Daddy. I remembered that that is who I was looking for the moment the picture had been taken. Where is my dad? There, at the kitchen counter, I felt vulnerable and small and unsafe.

This moment caught me completely off guard. It had been 15 years since my initial memories of being sexually abused by a trusted family member had broken through. Years of therapy and face to face time with my heavenly Father, family and friends had forged new, healthy pathways in my heart and mind. I thought I was okay. But it felt like in a matter of seconds, all that progress meant nothing. It seemed like my well-being was shattered. It seemed that way. But it wasn’t true. In the depth of my spirit I heard a whisper. It was my heavenly Father, but on that day, He sounded a lot like the voice of my earthly daddy, “You are safe. Look at me. Listen to me. I am here. I have always been here, with you. You have come a long way but you need more healing. Don’t stop now.”

So I took a deep breath and kept moving forward.

So how about you friend? Right now, today, are you running the race of faith whole and free?

Is there a place in your heart or mind where there are wounds that need attention?

Know this. In Christ, you are safe in the arms of the Father. Being rooted in the reality of being a child of God, gives us courage to invite the Holy Spirit to reveal the broken places of our lives so that we can move forward in a greater measure of healing and wholeness.

Hebrews 12:1-2 in the Passion translation reads this way.

As for us, we have all of these great witnesses who encircle us like clouds. So we must let go of every wound that has pierced us an the sin we so easily fall into. Then we will be able to run life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has been already marked out before us. We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection…

Don’t stop now.

Keep moving forward.

I am cheering for you!

Rica

About the author ~ Rica McRoy

Rica McRoy walks with God. If this one statement was true about her life, she would say this was a life well lived. 

Tags: Don't Stop Now, faith, healing, Rica McRoy, Soul Food