“Magic” by Wesley Spears
If God were an on-call magician, He would not be worth following.
I was looking for magic – wow factors, quick fixes to my problems, easy answers to my questions. Life isn’t that cut and dried, though.
The past few years, I was fascinated with the radical, drawn to the new, excited about the “extreme” claims of Scripture. I was not satisfied with the way church and life was. All potentially good, in some ways. However, the bad side of that for me was that it mostly led me down paths of loathing and criticism of myself, the church, and culture immediately around me. (It’s hard to loathe and love at the same time – see Matthew 6:24).
In trying to believe all of what God says, including the miraculous, I found that I replaced some of what He says with a desire for his actions in magical ways. It was a classic example of wanting the gift rather than the Giver.
Humanity has always been fascinated with magic, that is, seemingly miraculous or unexplainable things that work on demand. Today’s version is technology. Press a button or tap a screen, and whatever you want is immediately in front of you. I wanted God like that. I wanted power and ease at my fingertips. I wanted miraculous gifts and experiences. I wanted every prayer answered immediately. And I would loathe something about me whenever He did not give it like I assumed or hoped He should. I felt the problem was with me – and it was. However, it was not that I didn’t have value or that God didn’t love me – rather, my posture and understanding of God was flawed.
It’s that God is not an on-call magician.
This is the kind of thing that I had heard all my life – that God is not a Santa Claus, not a genie that we can bring up whenever we think we need something. However, I never thought I struggled with this misconception until I started desiring things that only God can give. It is in the deep desires that our deep beliefs are revealed. In my attempt to believe God at His word, I realized there was much I didn’t believe. I realized I liked to skim over, avoid, or ignore things due to convenience or comfort. I realized there was much I didn’t understand. I realized what I thought was honesty was sometimes fear and lack of conviction. Specifically, I realized that I believed He could do miraculous things, but I did not believe that the most miraculous thing was that He wanted me to want Him. I didn’t functionally believe that I am a child of God, with worth, love, and gifts, already. And that it is knowing Him that He invites me in to; a relationship. He knows I need Him more than spiritual experiences or intellectually satisfying answers. As such, it would be letting me settle for less if I only experience His power, but don’t know Him, love Him, or feel my need for Him.
If God were an on-call magician, His goodness, love, and worth would be based on how fast and effectively He responded to me – in other words, how convenient and easy He made my life. And such a God would not be worth believing and following. He would be small, limited to my imagination, and constrained to my felt-need for Him. I would not be surprised if He ceased existing all-together on some days. Thank God that I am an extension of His creativity, and not the other way around.
~ Written by Wesley Spears ~
Every scene has shadows, every story has contrast, and mine is no different. Overall, though, it’s a story of God’s faithfulness. I do not remember a day that Jesus Christ was not my Lord and Savior. However, I remember many days when I did not live like He was. Yet, He always brings me back. I believe knowing God is the most important and beautiful pursuit any human can embark on, because God is the most important and beautiful being. I hope He uses me to bring Him glory, and to bring more people into joyous relationship with Him.
Married to the most amazing woman, and father of two, I am regularly reminded how gentle and giving the Lord is. I am passionate about intentional community, meaningful conversations, marriage, deer hunting, accidentally over-thinking everything, and taking God seriously. You can check out what is a new adventure in vulnerability & faith for me at experience-of-grace.com.
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