God Secures the Insecure

 

 Victoria C Jones

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthews 6:33)

My story is one of how God secures the insecure, positions the purposeful, and continually walks and guides the steps of the willing—it is one of how God grants His people to be the fullest expression of how He initially created them to be.

The meat of my story takes place during my seventh grade year of middle school. I never met a stranger; I was cool. I was on the basketball team and had all the love and support from my family and those that surrounded me. In the midst of it all, I still had a longing for something more—something deeper—something that I articulated as popularity. I wanted to be known, I wanted to be desired and loved by boys, I wanted to have a stylish clique of girls walking in sync down the hallway, and sure enough I got it. I dropped basketball and pursued those things only to find that once I had acquired them, I would be left still searching for fullness and fulfillment. In conjunction with that, I had a deep fear of being alone. In many ways, the boys, the friendships, the notoriety became a lowercase god to me. I continually sought after it, cried for it, and longed for it. Little did I know, these longings were just the cries of an insecure soul; that all changed as God ordered a series of events to occur, to get me alone by myself, for Himself, to reach and fill me.

By the end of my eighth grade year, drama had broken up my clique of girlfriends, the boys that I liked left and found other girls, and by that time I had disobeyed and lied to my parents so much that they distrusted me. I was alone. Around that time, my family and I had just connected with a new church with an awesome youth group. The thing that stuck out the most about my youth group were my youth pastors. They radiated something I could not put into words. They would preach and speak the Word of God with power, conviction, and realness, as if God actually walked, talked, and did life with them. I realized that growing up in church all my life, I had acquired a head-knowledge of God but lacked a heart-knowledge of Him. It was there that I became hungry for that kind of encounter with God. At that time I was also just entering into high school. I was beginning to seek God and was actually finding Him; that was until a middle school likeness of mine came back into my life. I became enamored by his interest for me again. It was during a night of kissing behind the bleachers at a football game, that my likeness left me because I did not desire to compromise my virginity. I felt so dirty and disgusted with myself that I briefly deviated from seeking God’s love only to be left by someone who did not care about me at all. It was that same night that the echoes of God’s love came back to my remembrance from childhood church sermons. I cried out to God and asked if His love was real; I remember asking Him that if it was real, then I wanted to experience it for real.

From there God changed my life. I began to devote myself to my walk in Christ. I abstained from dating and fell in love with being alone. I found out hidden talents and things about myself I never knew. I finally felt secure. It was funny that during my faith walk in school, people began to take notice. The popularity that I so wanted in middle school found me again, but this time on different terms with a better outlook. I wanted to reach others, especially other young girls, to help them rise from the entrapment of insecurity. It was during my tenth and eleventh grade year of high school that girls began to entrust me with their stories. I was first taken back by this and wondered why of all people were these girls sharing their stories with me? Why were they seeking me for advice? It was then that I realized insecurity was an epidemic that I and so many other girls were fighting against. From promiscuity to teenage pregnancies, I saw that insecurity embedded each situation. It was from there that I began to confide in my mother all that I was encountering at school and even the struggles I had pertaining to insecurity; I further learned that my struggles of insecurity were interconnected with hers as well. In our private conversations about life, insecurity, and its manifestations, we realized that we needed to share these conversations with other women and girls, to empower them to rise above insecurity and be the fullest expression of their self. Soon after that, my mother and I created our non-profit organization, GirlNaturale, to empower girls and women to do just that. We have been able to mentor girls within the community, share our stories, and see girls and women be inspired to live better and lead confident lives. I have realized that my struggles, my story, and every part of my life are platforms for God to use and it has been great seeing Him work beyond me. If I had to wrap up my story with one scripture, it would be Matthews 6:33:

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Whatever you are searching for, whether it is identity, self-esteem, love, or fulfillment– seek God first, and those things will be added unto you. You do not have to compromise yourself, chase after it, or be anything other than what God created you to be. If you seek Him, you will never have to want or strive again. Thank you for reading my story. Be encouraged.

Tags: GirlNaturale, Huntsville, jesus, Our City On A Hill, self esteem, victoria jones