“Say YES” by Becky Mercer Greene

This post has been a year in the making. I was not sure how to say it but I knew I needed to share.  Although Mother’s Day prompted me to finally write, I felt the lessons I learned were timeless and for all. I pray you hear HOPE.

 

My 1st Mother’s Day came quickly last year. Hudson was 2 weeks old. Everyone kept saying, “Happy Mother’s Day,” but it felt so foreign to me – like I was being given an award I didn’t deserve. I knew I needed to get something for my mom and mother-in-law because THEY were moms – the BEST moms.

But what kind of mom was I?

I was just trying to survive – trying to get to know the alien bundle placed in my arms. I knew I loved him but at times, I doubted it. I worried myself sick over if I was attached to him like I “should be” or if I felt that instant bond like “other moms.”

Around week 2, I spent most of my days worrying:

 

About attachment,

 

About sleep schedules,

 

About breastfeeding etc.…

 

Oh – and my body – can’t forget that…back pain that only hurts when you hold your son that you’re supposed to be bonding with????

 

The pregnancy gods were full of cruel jokes!

 

I was worried sick that maybe this MOTHER role was not for me. I couldn’t understand how I managed to love my babies at work like they were my own

 

BUT

 

Why did it feel like I couldn’t I love MY OWN?

 

Hormones dropping, postpartum surging, anxiety swelling, depression beginning to creep in. Sounds like I’m doomed, right? WRONG.

 

BUT GOD…

 

“Cast ALL your anxiety on him for He cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7

 

I recognized the symptoms. I knew my thoughts were not healthy.  I didn’t wallow in it; I didn’t try to put my big girl panties on and “just deal with it” and I didn’t try to hide my problems. I DID something about it by ASKING FOR HELP. I reached out to my precious family and friends. I reached out to my doctors. Once I reached, they took my hands and made me feel NORMAL again.

 

Then,

I said YES.

 

YES to medicine,

 

YES to play dates and visits,

 

YES to conversations with those who’d been there before me,

 

YES to mini-trips out with my babe,

 

YES TO SELF-CARE!

 

Choosing to ask for help and say YES was not selfish; it was selfless.

 

Selfish is crawling back to your hole and just trying to get through the day.  Selfless is choosing to stand in the light and live. By choosing myself, I chose my baby, my husband, my friends and family and, praise God, they chose me too.

 

They chose to:

 

Walk beside me,

 

Tell me I wasn’t crazy (over and over),

 

And

 

Give me the push I needed to recover.

 

So,

 

if you’re doubting yourself as a mama, or in any role for that matter,

 

if you’re hesitating to post pictures because you don’t want to write words you don’t mean,

 

and

 

if you feel like you could never deserve to be celebrated,

 

It’s OKAY. You’re not crazy.

 

Give yourself a gift today – choose yourself by asking for HELP and saying YES.

 

Reach out and see the dozens of others who have been exactly where you are.

 

Talk to your doctor about medicines that can help you feel NORMAL again.

 

Walk toward the light and quit hiding in darkness.

 

A year later, I cannot adequately explain the love I have for my boy or how lucky I am to be his mom. The joy begins each morning when I see his smiling face waiting for me in the crib, continues as I chase him and watch him grow and ends as I kiss him goodnight. Then I GET TO start over the next day. I don’t roll my eyes anymore at moms who say, “I could just eat them up,” because I, too, could take a big ‘ol bite out of that cheek or those toes. It’s so weird; I know. But it’s so great.

If God’s love for us is just a pinch of this feeling, then we are good to go. But I read that it’s more than this – Unfathomable.

 

Knowing this love means I have the power to get through anything. My hope is that Hudson knows that same love through people and through Jesus, A LOVE THAT GIVES YOU THE POWER TO DO ANYTHING.

 

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he will strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:19

 

I am full and I pray that these words have been a hope-offering, not just to mamas, but to all.

Tags: Becky Mercer Greene, hope, Huntsville, Mother's Day, Our City On A Hill, Soul Food