“Sigh” by Kelly Wilson Mize

It’s 2:21 a.m. and I can’t sleep. I am compelled to dwell on every single item of my to-do list, and then proceed to revisit every mistake I’ve ever made in my entire lifetime. I know from past experience that this will take about two hours at the very least…

Sigh.

The alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m.…

Sigh.

As I attempt to get ready for work, I realize that (overnight?!) I have gained so much weight that my clothes no longer fit…

Sigh.

I could start getting up at 4 a.m. to exercise? Nah…

Sigh.

I skip quiet time, since it took me 20 minutes to find something to wear…

Sigh.

I quickly feel overwhelmed with thoughts of my commitments for the day/week/month/year…

Sigh.

I get to work to find an email that sends me immediately into a state of panic…

Sigh.

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?!

Double sigh.

I have a conversation that seems to confirm my suspicions. That person does not like me and I don’t know why.

Sigh.

I remember I have about 12 errands to run after work…

Sigh.

While waiting in line at the grocery store, I scroll through social media, looking enviously at pictures from my friend’s latest trip to her condo in Bermuda…

Sigh.

I get home to realize that I forgot to turn on the crockpot, so the contents are ruined, and there is no dinner…

Deep, angry sigh, followed by tearful screaming.

I make the decision that grilled cheese will have to do. Thank goodness it’s almost bedtime!

Exhausted, disappointed sigh.

When I am finally in bed, basking in the relief that the day is over, my child comes downstairs with a thick packet of school forms that I forgot were due yesterday!

Anxious, frustrated sigh.

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I wrote most of the above narrative several years ago when I worked full time and my children were young–amidst a very busy season of life. Now, in hindsight, I find it almost comical, but not quite…

A sigh can indicate many different emotions: sadness, relief, tiredness, nervousness, anger… I don’t know about you, but some days I feel like I “sigh” my way through life. Even though a sigh can be an involuntary human action, for me I think it sometimes serves as an attempt to release all my repressed frustration, to cleanse away all the negative–some kind of do-it-yourself, mental respiratory therapy.

And apparently, people have been “sighing” for all time. I discovered a comforting promise found in God’s word that, although written thousands of years ago, seemed to be written just for me on just such a day. Psalm 38:9 says, “You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.”(NLT)

David wrote Psalm 98 as an expression of deep remorse over sin he had committed, and I think we can all relate to his cry. Incredibly, as with all scripture, the age-old sentiment can be applied to so many situations we are currently facing. The events of 2020 have tested our faith in God’s promises. So far this year, an onslaught of chaos: intense political division, disease, quarantine, death, continued anguish over racial inequality, civil unrest, and so much more.  There is pain, injustice, fear of the known–and of the unknown. Because after events of late, we can’t even begin to imagine what could be next.

But here’s some really good news…

God is in control. He knows me. He knows you. He knows our anxiety, panic, anger, sadness, loneliness, and frustration. He knows the personal meaning behind every human reaction we have, voluntary or involuntary. So right now, may we each take a deep, thankful breath, knowing without a doubt that there is One who sees us, hears every sound we make, and fully understands.

Grateful, contented sigh.

~ Written by Kelly Wilson Mize

Kelly Wilson Mize considers it a personal, God-given mission to encourage others with words. She is a wife, mother of two, librarian at Westminster Christian Academy, and freelance writer who has lived in the Huntsville area for over twenty years. Kelly has a master’s degree in elementary education and over a decade of teaching experience in both private and public schools. She also has a variety of published writing experiences including numerous articles and interviews, various curriculum projects, hundreds of devotions for both children and adults, and contributions to six books. Kelly’s credits include LifeWay Christian Resources, Focus on the Family, Adams Media, and Group Publishing. Check out Kelly’s website kellywilsonmize.com, find the books she has contributed to here, and follow her on Twitter @kellywilsonmize.

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