“The Year of John” by Suzanne Matthews

This post first appeared on Suzanne’s blog www.ctandthee.com

The Year of John

I had to miss the very last day of studying John. Something hit me like a steam engine; I can’t remember the last time I was that sick. On the couch I have been thinking and pondering all the things I’ve learned this year through this wonderful man and his writings.

 

John is a poet. His writing is exquisite. I’ve come to know that there is no sentence or even one word in the book of John that is not meaningful. Every single word has its purpose.

Was John in his youth called the Son of Thunder? I can hardly believe it. Such a transformation inspires prayer for my own two  in-their-thirties sons of thunder, and hope in watching them become transformed men of faith.

Oh, this year I’ve learned how to slow down and ponder, in an attempt to be a little more like John. I’m sitting with passages, even taking one verse or one word and mulling them over.

I’ve found that I deeply want to be a woman of truth, through and through. The most odd verse, one I’d never noticed before has become mine. John 7: 18, He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.

I don’t think I have begun to learn, but want to, how to be humble. John never mentioned his own name, he called himself “the disciple Jesus loved”. I’m wondering how you feel so secure in Jesus’ love like that, and if that security manifests itself as humility?

I’ve learned how to sit in a group of women and feel true connection. Their stories, their vulnerability, their prayers, make me grateful to sit there near them and be blessed every single Wednesday.

I’ve built my faith foundation sturdier. Or may I say that my teacher has built my foundation sturdy and strong, one layer after another, each week, faithfully building truth in me. I love the way she teaches. One day she said the disciples were “a hot mess”, and she won my heart. Oh, yes they were, and so am I. I gravitate to hot messes.

I get a lump in my throat when I think about my grandson’s leaders.

I’ve learned that no where does it say believers are asked to produce fruit; we are asked to bear fruit.

I’ve learned to fill in the blanks and pray scripture, like Lord, the one you love (her name, his name) is sick. Or is hurting, or rejected, or confused, or weary, or whatever.

I’ve seen, I think for the first time, that leading up to, and on, and beyond the cross, Jesus seemed to be at His worst. Beaten and alone, struggling, dying. But really, at His worst, He is at His best. I’ve remembered my ‘worsts’. At my worsts, I was my worst. My heart is still grieved over my ‘worsts’ and if there is any good at all, it’s that they bring me to my knees and right to the foot of the cross. I still can’t get over the cross.

I’ve come away with more questions. Things like, How am I still trying to earn God’s love? Is there anyone with whom I need reconciliation? What has God been trying to reveal to me over and over? What does God want me to bury?

And so I’ve come away. Away for summer, away for a season, away to rest, away to let it all sit and sink in. And away, so that there is a return. A joyful return. Next fall, BSF, Romans. To God be the Glory!

 

Written by~Suzanne Matthews

My roots go back to Nashville, Tennessee where I grew up at Burton Elementary, Hillsboro High School, and Belmont Methodist Church. My spiritual roots took hold at Auburn University where, during my junior year, I became a Christian. After college, I married my high school sweetheart, Ben Matthews, and our four children – Houston, Nate, Sarah and Molly – their spouses and our seven grandchildren – are the most fun and greatest blessings of our lives.

More than 20 years ago, I found myself at loose ends and searching. My search ended the day I walked in the door at Bible Study Fellowship. I fell in love with expository, applicable Bible study. I taught the BSF Huntsville Evening Women’s Class for 14 years. Since then I have written Crossings: Life Lessons from the Book of Joshua, and now have finished and published my second study, Unlocking Belief: Answering Questions Jesus Asks and the companion journal, Unlocking Belief: The Journal. My heart is all about spiritual growth and I enjoy leading women’s retreats and small group accountability. Most of all, I want to love God more each day. I am continually thankful for this incredible journey, the places where He has led, and especially the people with whom I share my life.

Tags: BSF International, jesus, Our City On A Hill, Soul Food, Suzanne Matthews, The Book of John, the cross