“What Happened When I Came to the End of Myself” by May Patterson
Have you ever felt undone? Tapped out? Past empty?
Me, too.
When I had three babies in two years, I buckled.
Depression set in.
“I can’t” became my motto.
The responsibility for so many little lives felt way too heavy because I was pretty focused on my own life. Regrettably, I even daydreamed about running away somewhere, like Bora Bora . . . but instead, I stayed and was miserable.
Wasn’t my family lucky?
But just when I thought I couldn’t wipe another bottom or lug around another car seat, something wonderful happened. This crisis actually drove me to my knees to reach out to God, pleading for help.
Billy Graham once said, “When we come to the end of ourselves, we come to the beginning of God.”
That’s what happened to me.
When I came to the end of myself, I started seeking God like never before. At first, I felt like I wasn’t making much of a connection. Nothing seemed to change. But I kept on trying, clinging to this verse: “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. . .” (Jeremiah 29:13 MSG).
Even though I was super busy, I did something small to seek for God each day—reading, praying, looking and listening. I kept saying, “Lord, I want to know you.” And it wasn’t long until I discovered something. I learned that God has a purpose in all He does (Psalm 33:11). This meant He has a purpose for my life and even a purpose for my current circumstances.
This helped me see that having three babies in two years wasn’t some random act of nature (or fertility drugs). Somehow, God had planned to use it for good.
I knew that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and accept His plan. I’m not the “poor wayfaring stranger traveling through this world of woe,” like the old depressing song says. I am running the race He has designed just for me! (Hebrews 12:1)
I learned that God uses hard things, mundane things, and even unfair things—everything—for our good. Feeling trapped and over-burdened actually was a blessing because it drew me closer to God’s heart.
That’s where the miracle of transformation occurs, near the heart of God.
Seeking God (as a practice) was a real game changer for me. It helped dry up some of my teary self-pity and replaced it with a smile of gratitude—especially for my children. The more I experienced His presence, the easier and more interesting my life became.
Now, I really don’t resemble the unhappy person I was back then (thank goodness).
The verse that says, “God rewards those who diligently seek Him,” is true. I found reward: eventually, my unhappiness and deep-seated insecurities were replaced with increasing joy and confidence.
Spending time with God has even empowered me to try new things, like becoming a speaker and a writer.
Years ago, I would have never dared to try these things because I feared disapproval, way too much. But now, I just have to share what God has done, whether I’m approved of or not. This has freed me to accomplish more than I ever thought I could.
But even after all of the benefits I’ve found by seeking God, sometimes I can still get distracted or too busy for Him if I am not careful.
I don’t think I’m alone.
I want to encourage you to draw closer to God and find your reward.
So, I decided to write a book about it. For three years, I poured myself into this project because I believe that seeking God transforms lives.
But writing it was tedious. Time-consuming. And pretty frustrating. Sometimes, it seemed like I would never finish. I often wondered if it would ever be a real book.
Finally, God helped me finish.
Last September I stood at the mailbox, eagerly tearing the brown packaging off the very first copy of my book, Seeking a Familiar Face. Then, I sat down on the porch steps in tears. Holding my book in my hands for the first time felt surreal. Unbelievable. And pretty awesome!
James 4:8 says, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” In other words, God invites us to come near. And our souls hunger for this nearness. I starved my soul for way too long. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Take seeking after God seriously.
“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” Jeremiah 29:13-14 MSG
My book can help.
Seeking a Familiar Face is filled with stories, humor and practical ideas for seeking after God, including my own personal story. There are questions at the end of each chapter to discuss with a friend, a small group, or a Bible study group.
It doesn’t matter if you are already seeking God or just getting started, my book will encourage you to go a little farther toward deepening your relationship with Him. Don’t put off something this life-changing, click here to get your copy and be inspired today!
As you read, I hope you will laugh, cry and say, “me, too.”
But mostly, I hope you will be encouraged to know God better today, than yesterday!
Written by May Patterson
May Patterson, author of Seeking a Familiar Face, began writing in response to God’s grace. And by His grace, she has written magazine articles, Bible studies, and spoken at a variety of events. Her desire is to help people draw closer to God. May is married to her dear friend Mike and they have three grown children. She has a great love for the outdoors, travel and blogging at maypatterson.com
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